I've had the perception that I'm not going to make it through this. That this is it; my life has been turned upside down and now I have to learn what its' like in this new body, in this new mind, I never used to be scared about going to the grocery store, or to a friends house or even going for a bike ride. Well now I look back and I'm almost at my one year anniversary of being in the hospital. I feel branded emotionally from having my illness. But I'm done, I'm done listening to my emotions and feelings that constantly tell me to end it or remember the trauma of this past year. I'm not denying my condition, I'm just saying that its time for my brain to change and I am ready to fight for my life to make it happen. But something had to go wrong or something for me to remind myself of who I am.Of course it would have been easier to go through a transformation in my personal perception of myself without the nervous breakdown, it was necessary for me to find my new positive perception of myself. If I don't change now, I'm going to be ten years down the road unable to do the same things that I can't do now, and that's not me. I am strong, I am healthy. I have a good brain and am intelligent. I have a positive support network and can think greater than the circumstances in my life. So I'm creating a vision for myself of what my future will look like and will share with you once I have explored it.
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